The Kid, The Boy, and The Creature

Announcer 1: “Welcome back viewers and listeners, we are back at the 50^th anniversary of the World Series of Poker, 2019. The attitude is really getting heated. You can just feel the tension in the air.”

Announcer 2: “Now if you are just joining us we’re down to the final three players of the final table of the 2019 World Series. Let’s check the standings, Anton?”

Announcer 1: “All right! Current Chip Leader is Billy the Kid, sitting at a little over 45 percent of the chips. He does he have a strong lead.”

Announcer 2: “You’re right about that Anton, He’s climbed to the top of the heap after starting at only sixth.”

Announcer 1: “And that’s not even considering his other disadvantages in this game. Not only is he the shortest player in the game tonight, he’s a clone!”

Announcer 2: “That’s right Anton. Our Billy the Kid is a clone of the original Henry McCarty from the nineteenth century. And that legal status, as well as the need of a booster seat have both worked against him in this game so far. But with some truly spectacular bluffs earlier on, he’s turned the whole thing around and even has a solid shot at winning.”

Announcer 1: “But let’s not get all caught up here John. The second player, sitting at just under 30 percent of the chips is English Poker Star Roy, “The Boy” Brindley.”

Announcer 2: “I’ve got to say, as the only player at the table left who has ever won a World Series, he’s not doing quite as well as he’d hoped I bet.”

Announcer 1: “No indeed John. But he’s gone from short stack, last in chips to our listeners, at the start of the final table to middle of the final three, that’s still a major accomplishment. Not to mention he is sitting comfortably over one of the early chip leaders in the final table.”

Announcer 2: “That’s right! Our short stack and the only non-human at the table is The Creature from the Black Lagoon. He started the table third in the chips but is now only holding at 25 percent. Nicknamed ‘Gill-man’ by some of the spectators, the Creature from the Black Lagoon is a relative newcomer to our competition, having only been discovered and introduced to human society in early 2016.”

Announcer 1: “He’s certainly come a long way hasn’t he John. Well, it looks like they are getting ready to get back into it.”

Announcer 2: [in a hushed voice] “And here is the deal. Two cards to a player. Let’s see what they got.”

Announcer 1: [also in a hushed voice] “The Creature has a 9 and a Queen of Hearts. The Boy has a 6 and a 2 of clubs and the Kid is holding a pocket pair of 7s, clubs and diamonds. This far in, the Big Blind bet is 100 thousand so that’s a hefty pot already.”

Announcer 2: “A little bit of early bidding, the Creature looks confident, and the pot is straddling 500k at the Flop. For those listeners not familiar with Poker, the Flop is the first three open cards, followed by the Turn, and the River, the fourth and fifth cards. The tension is palpable at the final table.”

Announcer 1: “And here is the flop. Ouch. A 4 and a Jack of Spades and an 8 of diamonds. That’s not much to work on, the Kid has the odds but the turn and the river are still hanging overhead.”

Announcer 2: “And the Boy folds, cutting his losses at the flop! Can’t blame him, a six and a two don’t hold much water at this point. Plus he’s got the chips to weather the loss.”

Announcer 1: “And the Kid is bidding it up a 400k bid, that’s up to a 900k pot. He’s trying to push but the Creature isn’t backing down and matches the bid, the pot is 1.3mil at the Turn. And the Turn is…”

Announcer 2: “A three of hearts, that’s not a good sign for the Creature. He’s got a solid hand but that pair of sevens the Kid has is still the winning combo. But the Creature puts up another 200k! He’s shooting for that straight Queen though 8. I wouldn’t take those odds if I were him. The Kid calls the bid and here is the River.”

Announcer 1: “It’s a 10 of clubs! The Creature managed to pull one out! That’s a Straight 8 through Queen. The Kid looks unfazed. He’s still got the lead in the chips but now the Boy is short stack.”

Announcer 2: “Wow Anton that was a turnaround. The odds were not on for the Creature there but he still managed to pull out a coup.”

Announcer 1: “Indeed, John. That win should give him the chips to push against the Boy in the next hand. And here is the next deal.”

Announcer 2: “Looks rather flat this time, Anton. The Kid has a split hand, a 2 and a Queen of Spades while both the Creature and the Boy have only numbers.”

Announcer 1: “7 and 2 of Spades and Clubs for the Boy and a 6 and 3 of Hearts for the Creature. The Creature doesn’t look like he will sit back though; he’s bidding the pot up to 500k already!”

Announcer 2: “And the flop is a 6 of diamonds, a 2 of clubs, and a King of hearts. That leaves the creature in the lead with a pair of sixes and the Kid with a pair of twos.”

Announcer 1: “Not his strongest position John.”

Announcer 2: “And the Creature bids 300k, raising the pot to 800k. And it seems too rich for the Boy’s blood and he folds.”

The Boy: [overloud from a microphone] “I swear to god I never get lucky with this bollocks, never.”

Announcer 1: “But the Kid isn’t flinching and he raises the Creature, bringing the pot to 1.4 million. And the turn is… Ouch, the turn is a Queen of Clubs. That brings the Kid into the lead with a two pair, twos and queens.”

Announcer 2: “That split hand is really working for him tonight Anton.”

Announcer 1: “The Creature is not backing down either. He has been showing some real aggressive betting in these games. He bids another 400k, and the Kid matches it, bringing the pot to a little over two million! Now let’s see how this one will end. And the River is…”

Announcer 2: “My god, it’s a six of Spades! The Creature pulls it out with a three of a kind!”

Announcer 1: “Now that’s a turnaround John, the creature is heading for chip leader now. The Kid is not looking happy I can tell you.”

The Kid: [with a little reverb] “Blast it. Stupid muckperson gettin’ all the good cards.”

Announcer 2: “And here is the next hand. The Creature is trailing in this hand with a 4 and a 3 of hearts. The Boy has a King and Ace of Diamonds Pair and the Kid standing with a King and a 4 of Spades and Diamonds. And there he goes being aggressive again, the Creature is already bidding a 3x Big Blind. And the flop is a 7 a 9 and a 3.”

Announcer 1: “That three gives the Creature the advantage here. And he is using it with another 300k bid.”

Announcer 2: “The kid folds, even with that Ace, he’s not willing the challenge the Creature.”

Announcer 1: “A smart move here John. Just look at the creature smiling. Chilling.”

Announcer 2: “And the turn is a 5. Oh my and the creature is really pushing with a 10x Big Blind bid. And the Boy folds, not surprising, the creature just added a million to the pot; no one is going to challenge that at that stage. The creature is really moving in on the Kid.”

Announcer 1: “And the next hand is dealt. The Creature looks to be strong again in this one with a pair of 3s, against the Kid with a King and a 4, and the Boy with a Jack and a 10 of Diamonds. And the Creature is raring to go with a 500k before the flop. The Boy and the Kid Match for a pot of 1.8 mil before the flop. And the flop is a 3 of Spades, and a Queen and a 9 of Diamonds.”

Announcer 2: “That brings the Creature to three of a kind but the Boy has the makings of a straight flush, Queen to 9 of diamonds! The Creature pushes with a 300k bid and the Boy Raises! That’s for a pot of 2.7 million! The Kid matches, raising it to 3.3 million! That turn better be worth it. And…. It is!”

Announcer 1: “A 8 of diamonds! That gives the Boy a Straight Flush! The Creature has a three of a kind and is just unwilling to let the hand go. He bids another million on top! That’s a pot of 4.3 million! That’s almost a eighth of the whole table.”

Announcer 2: “Oh MY! The Boy is going All In after that bid, that’s up to a pot of almost 15 million. He is really riding in on that Straight Flush and-“

Announcer 1: “And the Creature is matching it! What does he think he is doing?”

Announcer 2: “It’s that aggression again; he must think that the Boy is bluffing him! Losing this could turn the game around for both him and the Boy. We’ve got some backtalk as well, listen in!”

The Kid: [slightly overloud] “You’se a crazy loon gil-man. I ain’t stupid enough to stay. I fold.”

Announcer 2: “I don’t fault him one bit; that aggression on the Creature’s part is going to end this game hard. And here comes the River…”

Announcer 1: [Shouting] “And it’s a 3! That means the creature has Four of a Kind! And that is it for the Boy!”

Announcer 2: “Wow and he does not look happy Anton, look at him leave the table without a word. That was a wound and no doubt. Turning over a Straight Flush like that. That brings the Creature to almost 57% of the chips.”

Announcer 1: “Well here we are at a break; listen up for some words from our sponsors and we’ll be back in a jiffy!”

* * * * *

[Calming music]

Looking for a getaway? Looking for a vacation? Sometimes we all just need to see someplace new. Where could you go? Paris? Rome? Australia? Brazil?

Make the right choice this year. Come to the last frontier. Come to where the streets are gold, the towers are silver, the sky is clear, and the Sun shines down forever.

[Mysterious music plays suddenly]

Come to Máni, the first city out of Earth Orbit. You will never forget the Moon’s embrace.

* * * * *

Announcer 1: “And we are back! Two short hands during the break have left us almost tied between our two final competitors. The Dealing is already under way. What does it look like John?”

Announcer 2: “The Creature is at an early strength with a pair of nines, and the Kid is holding onto a King and a Jack, both of clubs. And the Creature is off to its usual antics with an immediate million dollar push. The kid matches and we head into the flop with a 2.2 million pot.”

Announcer 1: “The flop is a Queen and a 10 of Clubs and a 9 of Hearts. That’s a Straight for the Kid and three of a kind for the Creature. It’s looking to be a rather heated hand. The Kid looks like he is going to raise, bringing the pot to a 4.2 million high-“

Announcer 2: “And the Creature is raising as well! The Pot is at a whopping 8.2 million as we head into the turn! And the turn is…”

Announcer 1: “And the Turn is a 9 of clubs! That gives the Kid a straight flush, but the Creature now holds his second four of a kind this table. What are the odds?”

Announcer 2: “Not high Anton. Now the Creature raises again, taking the pot to 14.2 million and- The Kid is going all IN!”

Announcer 1: “Ouch, he does have a straight flush, and the Creature has been known to make some heavy bluffs but this might be the end of it.”

Announcer 2: “The Creature goes all in to match; he isn’t backing down with a four of a kind, so it’s time for the River.”

[Several long seconds of absolute silence]

Announcer 1: [Practically Screaming] “And it’s an Ace of Clubs! That’s a Royal Flush! The Kid wins the Championship! I Can’t Believe It!”

Announcer 2: “And so ends the 50^th anniversary of the World Series of Poker! What a turnaround! Royal Flush beats Four of a Kind. This match may well go down in the history of the World Series! Billy the Kid wins!

Announcer 1: “John, look at that!”

Announcer 2: “Uh oh! The Creature from the Black Lagoon is attacking Billy the Kid! He just leaped across the table! Security is coming in to stop him but… Oh wow he just threw that guard twenty feet! What an arm!”

Announcer 1: “John, Look out, he’s coming this way!”

Announcer 2: “What the-“

[A resounding crash of breaking glass, a roar, and then static]

End.

The Best Meat in the Universe

“Well we’re in it now.” I said, watching the Holo-screen zoom in on the seven vessels approaching at speed. “Mr. Leighton! Any idea who our new friends are?”

“The Macenion database does not have these silhouettes on file sir!” Leighton shot back immediately. “And there aren’t any known species near the breach either sir, I think we have an unknown.”

“Understood Mr. Leighton. Please see what you can find anyway. Go by similar shape and keep me apprised of what you find.”

“Yes sir.” He said, chastened.

“Ms. Maya, please broadcast a request for communication on all channels and inform the Laurenth and the Gamnon to drop shields. They should be prepared for a quick escape in case things go badly. Mr. Kinman, please do the same.” Two ‘yes sirs’ and it was accomplished. In the screen the saucers slowed, they must be in weapons range now I thought. “Mr. Leighton! Mark 6370 as maximum weapons range and refine the search!”

“Sir!” Ms. Maya called out. “We’re getting a response on Frequency 7829.3”

“Note that frequency Mr. Leighton! Ms. Maya please send them a salutation. Loadout 3.” The third loadout program was designed for close extraterrestrial allies. A little presumptive perhaps, but it gave the right impression.

The response came quickly as the saucers slowed to a stop in a loose formation. In a low, gravelly voice the response came. “Yellow, she far Captain’s. New far Hunans? Moo new half Beef?” I looked over at the Ms. Maya the communications officer. Her confusion mirrored mine. “That definitely sounds like stark…” I said slowly.

“Yes sir, it’s definitely some species that has heard our language before. Sounds like they have some trouble speaking it. Do you have a response?”

“Hmm… Go ahead.” With a soft click the voice translator activated. “Greetings star travelers. I am Admiral Taggert of the Yismirgh. May I ask your purpose in the Breach?”

The response was slow in coming. “I pam Leader Skalp shove D Spacerover Fido. Bee comb in Earth shove Beef. Moo new half many charade?” There was a moment of silence while the command deck digested this before: “ Pay we comb meat new?” I looked to Ms. Maya who shrugged.

“Sir. It sounded a bit like ‘may we come meet you’ to me.”

“Are you certain Mr. Leighton?” Put on the spot he quailed, and stuttered a bit. “Ms. Maya?”

“It could be sir. We know they know some Stark, they could just be massively mispronouncing words. I expect they’d understand a simple yes. “

“Hmmm… And body language might help. Inform the Laurenth and the Gamnon that we will be entertaining visitors and to stay on alert. Ms. Maya, please relate a ‘Yes please come’ to our friends out there.”

“Will do sir. The Gamnon sends a message that this is a bad idea. They have been listening.”

“Noted. Send the message. ” The message away, the result came almost immediately. A small saucer dropped from the foremost ship and slowly traversed the distance between us. Far too slow to be a projectile attack.

“Sir! The Gamnon has another message for you, on the direct laser transmission. They say it’s urgent!”

Hmmm. I looked to Ms. Ferro, my first officer, and nodded. She turned and left the bridge without a word. “I’ll take the message in my office immediately.”

Safely ensconced in my office I turned to the large screen that already showed Captain Nesmith’s worried face. He started immediately. “Admiral, I fear you are in terrible danger! Those aliens aren’t coming on board to talk with you; they are there to eat you!”

“What?” I asked, flabbergasted.

“They are a species known as the Calpains. They were identified as one of the species that found earth before we perfected spaceflight. The old UFOs!”

My blood went cold. But I had to be sure. “How do you know this? What information do you have?”

“My lieutenant studied early history and believes strongly in his conclusion.”

“But it didn’t show in the Macenion archive.” I argued.

“These are older ships, ancient ones. These ARE the old UFOs!”

“Good enough for me. Extend shields and link with the Laurenth. I’ll deal with this boarding party.” Barely pausing, I pressed the intercom link. “Ferro! Beware, the party is hostile!”

An almost immediate reply came back. “Sir! They broke through the line! They have invaded the ship! I couldn’t stop them!” My blood iced over. The hold was far too close to the bridge for my liking. I turned toward the door to the bridge and rushed forward, hearing a sharp impact in the room outside. No! I burst through the door and kicked out, smashing Mr. Leighton directly in the face as he bent to retrieve a clipboard he had dropped before the door.

“Captain!”

Confused for a second I glanced around the bridge, my mind conjuring alien phantasms from the air. They hadn’t reached the bridge yet.

“We have boarders!” I shouted. “All hands to battle stations! Mr. Ingersol, please gather your men then follow me. Seal off the bridge!”

Wielding my trusty Gatlain_tm I charged out into the secondary deck. Immediately I noted the intruders. What looked like at least six tall, short furred and spotted humanoids loped across a hallway, disappearing around the corner. Not headed to the bridge, must be the engine; they could cripple the ship! With a choice swear I charged after them turning the corner as the last of them disappeared into a large set of double doors off the hallway. What were they doing? That hall ended in the Officer’s Mess.

Turning the corner I came upon a scene of absolute carnage. A full dozen of the seven foot tall slavering coyote-men tore hungrily into their captured food. Droplets of red spittle flew with each bite. Screams echoed about the room, magnifying the din as the savage beast-men gobbled down every hamburger and handful of taco meat in sight. The closest turned to me, rare burger meat dropping in small chunks from his mouth.

“I’m so sorry. We couldn’t control ourselves.” It spoke, and then swallowed. “Beeeeef…” It said, practically moaning. “The Best Meat in the Universe.”

Postcards Home

From: Lio's Camp for Females

Niejli Empire

Pumathil

Message 1 [3264/7/16/23.12]

Mom,

Come get me. This place is horrible. I’m the only human here. Besides one of the counselors. He’s nice but still, I have no one to hang out with and all the Kimarans and Giltus keep making fun of me. I’m in this stupid cabin out in the freaking wilderness. I’m the only one who doesn’t breathe CO2 so I have to wear this air converter on my face all day! It’s cold and humid and it’s nasty. And I had this purple bug in my bed this morning. The Kimarans said it was harmless but I don’t want to get back into that bed tonight. Supposedly we’re going to have this hike somewhere later this week and the Kimarans keep telling me to be worried and its one of the hardest climbs in the Myani Mountain range. I can’t do this. Please come get me.

Sarah

From: Lio's Camp for Females

Niejli Empire

Pumathil

Message 2 [3264/7/17/22.46]

Mom,

I hate this place. The Kimarans keep picking on me and Counselor Arvid can’t be here the whole time. The really bad one is Mac’Tu, a big Kimaran, almost an adult she says. I don’t know enough about them but she looks like a big blue Ostrich. She’s stupid and mean. I want to go home. The big hike is the day after tomorrow and everyone will call me names if I don’t go. I’ve never gone on a hike before, even on Earth. Who knows what the mountains on Pumathil are like? They could be huge! I really don’t like being here can you Please cone and get me? I really miss you and Daddy and Elisabeth. I hope she is having fun. I want at least one of us to be enjoying herself.

Sarah

From: Lio's Camp for Females

Niejli Empire

Pumathil

Message 3 [3264/7/19/23.01]

Mom,

Counselor Arvid told me yesterday that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. The mountain was tiny. It was like a really tall hill. There weren’t even any rocks! The Kimarans were all whining the entire time. They didn’t believe me when I told them that I lived on hills bigger than their mountain. I even showed them the picture of the house, you know, from the side yard. They were all amazed. Mac’Tu has shut up now and one of her friends, a Molan named Reem (as far as I can understand) and I are hanging out. She found out that this stuff she uses, I think it’s like sunscreen, which keeps all the bugs away. It’s not poisonous either; I made sure to ask Arvid about it. I’m actually looking forward to the lake trip tomorrow, Reem says the water is much warmer than the air and it should be comfortable for me. I’m supposed to take this pill before I get in the water though. Some safety thing. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Sarah

From: Lio's Camp for Females

Niejli Empire

Pumathil

Message 4 [3264/7/20/22.57]

Mom,

I wish I could stay here longer. Once you get used to the air it’s actually not bad. You don’t sweat much. Mac’Tu has gotten nicer, Reem is awesome, and Counselor Arvid is really cool. He’s got this atmo-surfing vehicle that we were able to ride on. I can’t believe that I’ll be heading home tomorrow. I’ll miss Reem too. She lives on Gilcanon which isn’t too far from Earth, do you think maybe she could come over some time? I’d share my room. She is really nice. Anyway, Arvid is taking us out to a restaurant in the nearest town thing. He says it has some Human meals too so I’m looking forward to eating with everyone else. Maybe I could even taste some of their food; As long as Arvid says its safe. See you soon!

Sarah

Mwahahahahaha!!!

Mwahahahahaha! Fool! Did you really think that all these obstacles would have stopped ME?!?!?

I am terror, I am evil genius incarnate! You noble hero, who tried vainly to thwart my every turn must now watch as I feast upon the prize I have worked so long to attain. What was yours is now mine, and I can already feel its virtue inside me. I gain strength as you watch me devour that which you once called your own.

Your feeble attempts at evading me, distracting me from my goal are proven worthless; nothing you have done has even given me pause! The twisting maze you formed in your mind to defy me was simplicity itself. The barriers were simple to climb, allowing me to slip easily though the nets you thought to capture me in. You weak minded fool, did you really think that such walls might stop me?

And your silly attempts to disrupt my purpose were pathetic. Sweet scents, seeking to pull my nose away from the true prize. I did not fall for such ploys; no offering could have taken the place of my prize. Even in the greatest profusion, you could not pull me away from completing my ultimate plan.

Even your threats and shadows, and wildest assaults, could not stop my progress. Nothing in your infantile experience could hope to stop me. The smell of a predator in the darkness gave me no fear, nor did the angry display of power that you attempted to mete out on me. I was, and am, far too quick for you.

With all of your labyrinthine twists and turns you had hoped to lead me astray. Stupid. The false clues and fake trails you laid for me to follow were ignored outright, and no hidden turns or twists went undiscovered. You imagined that your convoluted maze of defenses could slow me down, and keep me from my prize. You were wrong.

It was your swift judgment of me that doomed you; a weakness of character that you have so often demonstrated. All of your greatest endeavors to thwart me fail as you are incapable of recognizing the one simple truth: I am your better. Your greatest creation withered before me as the barriers that you placed between me and your greatest treasure crumbled, only waiting to pass on your secrets as they ushered me on my way. You never gave me credit, and that was your undoing.

At last the prize is mine to devour, the luscious taste of your impotence blazes inside me. I have your treasure now, in my grasp, its glory filling my being. You tried to fool me. You tried to stop me. You tried to lead me astray. But it is now mine. Truly mine. Mine in such a way that you may never recover it. Never feel its presence grace your being again.

Truly you are a fool.

And I?

I am a GOD.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey Wilson?”

“Yeah?”

“What is that noise?”

“It's that little demon rat. It’s been squeaking like that since it got a hold of the cheese.”

“What, you mean it got through your maze?”

“Yeah, like it wasn’t even there. *sigh* So much for my promotion.”

“Not sure how anyone could do better. I mean this one had the works right?”

“Yeah, my maze had multiple levels, honey, dead ends, fake walls that lead to dead ends, wolf urine, rat gore, fake cheese, rotten cheese, and the remains of the other seven mice I sent through to test it. I had deadfalls primed on levers slimed with peanut butter. I had passages that doubled back upon each other. I had a secret door with cheese spray smeared on a pane of glass linked to a flamethrower. He didn’t even try the panel. I even had that last pivotal hallway full of slicing blades; he should never have made it through. But the little rat bastard just up and ran over the wall! God it makes me so pissed! Nothing seemed to deter that damn rat!”

“Mouse.”

“I know its just a mouse! I just… *sigh* He made a fool of me. A freaking mouse, made a fool out of Me. You know how that will look? What am I supposed to do?”

“I’m not even sure how he managed it. I mean, he’s just a common white mouse. One of a million others we’re working with. I’ve seen his MRI, nothing supernatural, or even unusual about him. I’ve seen hundreds exactly like him fail to make it through a barely complex maze.”

“It’s a travesty I know. He’s the only one I’ve never been able to stop. I just hate the little god-damn villain. I think the next cheese will be poisoned.”

“Heh, let’s see him squeak his way out of that.”

End.

The 6023 Kilometer Trek

Sometimes, traveling 6022 kilometers home just isn’t far enough, and life makes you go 6023 instead.

I spent a year getting a degree in a Welsh University in a little town called Trefforest, north of the capital of Wales: Cardiff. During the winter, when it came to be Christmas time, I was headed home to America. Two days in advance, I packed my bags, two large rolling suitcases and a full-to-the-brim backpack to boot. The night before, I had all my plans set. I had a ticket for the train to the bus station, a ticket for the bus ride to Heathrow Airport in London, and a ticket for the plane ride through Philadelphia to North Carolina and Home. I placed my tickets and my passport on my desk, prepared to get up and go the next morning.

And get up and go I did. I awoke far earlier than is my norm, carried my luggage out and locked the door behind me. Placing my keys securely in my backpack I headed down the hill with two full hours of leeway time. Now for those of you who have never traveled to Wales, the Welsh valleys literally have walls at 45 degree angles, which steepen further the higher you go. The University is located on one of these walls and my dorm in particular is located at quite nearly the highest habitable ledge on these monstrous valley walls. So I step from my dorm and make the trek one last time down the hill.

Up the stairs out of my building,
Down the 16 top stairs,
Down the 12 long stairs,
Down the curving access road,
Down the 32 curving stairs,
Down the 24 Cafeteria Stairs,
Across the Café Quad,
Down the 13 Library Stairs,
Down the Library Back Road,
Through the Gate into Treforrest,
Down Trefforest Road,
Down the Train Station Road and,
Over the Station Overpass.

I’m finally down at the train station with a good hour and thirty five minutes of leeway and I check my pockets. My heart stops, and then immediately starts back up, triple-time. You guessed it; I left my tickets and my passport in my dorm room. Freaking out just a little, I ran as fast as I could lug my suitcases.

Back over the Station Overpass,
Up the Train Station Road,
Up Trefforest Road,
And back through the Gate to campus.

Assured by my heaving chest that I would be unable to run all the way back up the hill with my suitcases in anything resembling adequate time, I visited the Foreign Student Union where the very nice and helpful ladies who ran the place were able to hold my two mammoth suitcases and my backpack while I ran back to get my important documents.

Up the Library Back Road,
Up the 13 Library Stairs,
Across the Café Quad,
Up the 24 Cafeteria Stairs,
Up the 32 curving stairs,
Up the curving access road,
Up the 12 long stairs,
Up the 16 top stairs and,
Down the stairs into my building.

Huffing and puffing but relatively okay, I get to my door and check the time, I have 60 minutes of leeway time, I’m still okay. I reach into my pocket and find, to my inescapable horror, that my keys are located in my backpack. At the bottom of the hill. Truly frenzied now I turn about.

Up the stairs out of my building,
Down the 16 top stairs,
Down the 12 long stairs,
Down the curving access road,
Down the 32 curving stairs,
Down the 24 Cafeteria stairs,
Across the Café Quad,
Down the 13 Library Stairs,
Down the Library Back Road and back,
To the Foreign Student Union near the Gate,

Unable to properly breathe, I tugged my keys from my backpack and lunged off once again. 40 minutes of leeway time left.

Up the Library Back Road again,
Up the 13 Library Stairs again,
Across the Café Quad again,
Up the 24 Cafeteria Stairs again,
Up the 32 curving stairs again,
Up the curving access road again,
Up the 12 long stairs again,
Up the 16 top stairs again,
Down the stairs into my building.
Again.

I open my door and swipe my passport from my desk, stuff my tickets into a pocket and run. 15 minutes of leeway time left.

Up the stairs out of my building again,
Down the 16 top stairs again,
Down the 12 long stairs again,
Down the curving access road again,
Down the 32 curving stairs again,
Down the 24 Cafeteria Stairs again,
Across the Café Quad again,
Down the 13 Library Stairs again,
Down the Library Back Road again,
To the Foreign Student Union near the Gate.

I step in, a horrible wreck. Grasp my bags, give a barely audible farewell and charge out the door. Lungs on fire. No time left.

Through the Gate into Treforrest,
Down Trefforest Road,
Down the Train Station Road,
Over the Station Overpass and finally,
To the train.

I am 10 minutes late. The train has left. Taking off my jacket my torso literally steams in the cold air. My lungs must really be on fire. I do my best not to collapse while I try to figure out how to salvage this. The last train from Cardiff has left 3 hours ago, I can't get to Heathrow by Train. I'll just hope to find a bus route that will get me there on time. This really feels like it can't get worse.

I grab the next train and get to the bus terminal. 30 solid minutes after departure time, I step out into the bus terminal and find myself staring at my bus, sitting calmly at the curb. The driver steps out as I shamble disbelievingly up and says “Are you Stephen? We were hoping you would come.”

The UK and I have a Love/Hate Relationship it seems.

Excerpt from a Hawaiian Newspaper

Nambwii's Birthday

My life is not fair.

It's Nambwii's Birthday Today.

I have to watch her.

Tamewii glared at his sister as she absorbed her birthday meal. I never got frosting he thought, why does she get it now? Nambwii’s fronds fluttered in pleasure, savoring the spongy texture of the cake. Tamewii always thought that she looked stupid when she did that. Nambwii was still an infant, an oblong bumpy cylinder with her ear spikes still pointed back and her two long fronds still milky white. Tamewii’s were dyed blue, the latest fashion, and beneath the color they were strong and tough. Looking past her Tamewii saw again the pile of presents that she had still to open. Life just wasn’t fair.

Nambwii got a Simulacrum Metropolis, a box of Replo-Blocks, a pet Loarock, a Pack of Collectable Thousand-Worlds Cards (that Nambwii doesn’t even know how to play!!), and a set of Robo-Pants^tm for her birthday. My life really isn’t fair. All I got was clothes and red frond-dye. Useless. The Simulacrum Metropolis was a cool toy; it had numerous settings allowing a holographic set of Monsters from about the cosmos to battle over the city. Parent said:

Nambwii can play now,

Her toys are complicated,

You must help her play.

Tamewii twitched his fronds, annoyed. Why does she get everything, why is she so important? Tamewii set the simulacrum to a fight between the Sol Monster Godzilla and the Begeni Monster Pa’ra’ulous and Nambwii fled the toy crying; watching a monster that oozed like a sore scared her. Stupid. It’s just a hologram. Parent came in, cradling the whining Nambwii in its fronds.

You have scared Nambwii,

If you are not nice to her,

you will be punished.

Tamewii apologized, keeping his fronds from twitching with annoyance. Of course it’s my fault. You gave Nambwii the simulacrum; it’s not my fault she got scared. Stupid. Once Nambwii calmed down again she tried a different toy. The replo-blocks were too complicated, always turning into stupid little things like flora and rectangular structures; Nambwii was too stupid to make anything cool. And she didn’t even understand the Loarock, she just poked it like a normal rock held on stilts and tried to absorb it. It gurgled as she tried and she again fled the room, her fronds flailing to accompany her tinny cry. More lectures and more apologies followed until she calmed down again. What a hassle. Why did it have to be a little sister? Parent thought it best to try the cards next as that would be the least likely to scare her.

Tamewii collects Thousand-World Cards, and plays with his favorite Sol-Earth Deck. He has worked long and hard to collect many of the important Ancient Sol Characters like Ben Franklin, Riechi Yamanaka, and Five of the World Leaders. He is very proud of his collection and is the envy of his school. Nambwii got 6 cards in her booster. Four were worthless; Tamewii had many of them already. One was a rare that Tamewii did not need. But the sixth was the super-rare Arvid Macenion Card. It was a Space-Age Sol card, and one that Tamewii had been looking for forever. Arvid Macenion was a space explorer in the age where the first Sol Species, Humans, achieved FTL. The Captain of the Star-Ship Awesome, he fought with the Mcflurrah Space Pirates and saved Sol a dozen times over. Life isn’t fair. Nambwii can’t use the card, why should she get it?

Nambwii looked at the card for a while, turning it back and forth to admire the holographic combat reenactment before boring of it. She stacked it carefully with the others and looked away. As if it was just another piece of plastic.

Brother please help me,

I want to try the pants now,

and I need your help.

Tamewii sighed. He pulled over the Robo-Pants^tm and lifted Nambwii into the seat. She snuggled in and flittered her fronds in excitement. How come she gets to walk like a bipedal? I never got such a cool gift at her age. This just isn’t fair. Tamewii pressed the start button and the legs extended, hauling Nambwii off the floor with a jerk. Her fronds jerked in surprise and the Robo-Pants^tm immediately dashed off at full speed. With an almighty crash the Robo-Pants^tm, carrying my wailing little sister, smashed into the wall and collapsed, dumping screaming Nambwii onto the pile of replo-blocks. Oh No! Nambwii!

Tamewii rushed to Nambwii’s side, quickly picking her up in his fronds. The Parent rushed into the room as well, and soon Nambwii was helped from the Robo-Pants^tm and set carefully on a cushion. Tamewii’s fronds bunched. Please let my little sister be okay. Nambwii whimpered and twitched her fronds in pain.

My little sister,

Oh please let you be okay,

This is all my fault.

Nambwii stilled and touched Tamewii with her frond.

I am okay Tamb,

It scared more than it hurt me.

I am all right now.

Parent nodded and smiled. Nambwii curled her fronds around her brother and whispered into his ear spike.

I love you brother,

I give the good cards to you.

Now let's go and play.

There are some benefits to having a little sister.